1. 2 weeks ago 

   Inferiority Complex

   Hmm, maybe I’ve lost. Two years that lead to defeat or something like that. Life goes on. Because I haven’t stopped moving.
   I don’t know what to do now.
   I don’t know where I am headed on this long-winded road but I’ll mark my own path.
   I will find my answer somewhere.
   Maybe it’ll be fruitless. In vain.
   I don’t care.  

2. Notes: 2 / 1 month ago 

   2 year dream.

   2 years ago.
   Around this time I told my friends, I was going to Japan and pretty much everyone I knew was surprised. I don’t remember how dramatic it was but I do remember that was the name of the song I was addicted to at the time. I also had a person I liked. I never told anyone who but it was probably quite obvious if you paid enough attention to me. It was the girl who sat in front of the window in my math class of Sophomore year.  On the right side, where the sun was bright enough to shine on her hair, the brown-haired girl whose hair seemed to be red from afar but brown up-close. The girl who seemed older than she really was. The girl who I took out in the rain to Taco Bell. I called her rainbow hair before she dyed her hair. Nothing much happened this year. Except I could only think of several things. 

   • “I hated this school.” 
   • “I want to get out of here.” 
   • “The people here are fake.”
   • “I’m just a number.”
   • “I want to run away.”

   So why did I decide to use this thing again. Because I want to review my year of 2011-2012. But before I do that. A bit of back story for my life journal or whatever. I don’t care if anyone reads this. But if someone does, well good on you.

   1 years ago.
   I had arrived in Japan. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t speak the same language. Everything I knew about Japan came from Anime, Movies, and Video games. Yet somehow during the February of 2010, I had somehow convinced myself I was going to be fine in Japan. And surprisingly, it was fine. The guys who I met at some technology day (Tomoki and maybe Kevin) ended up becoming some of my best friends. I made so many friends here in Japan. I made so many memories. I remember the best parts. The fireworks, the photos at 6am, the dinners on Fridays, and the list just goes on. Tomoki, George, Lake, Solvie, Paul, Kevin, Tomoyo, Raymond, Seamus, Ansi, Kentaro, Kentaro’s parents and everyone else, thanks for the year that you gave me. Because of it, I can stand optimistic towards University. 

   Intermission
   Well a question I was asked a lot by people in the past was why I went to Japan? Why did I go so far off? I used to just say “Adventure” and in all honesty, I really did mean it at the time and it did fit my personality. But looking back, I now see what it was that drove me to go to Japan or somewhere foreign.

   1. I saw people as unauthentic and as backstabbers at Irvington High School.
   2. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
   3. I wanted to impress the girl I liked.
   4. I wanted to do something different
   5. I didn’t want to be a number.
   6. I watched Honey and Clover.
   7. I wanted to run away.
   8. I wanted to restart.
   9. Adventure!

   0 Years ago.
   I came back to Irvington High School on September 1st, 2011. My reappearance after a long time was relatively well. In fact, it was almost as if I never left. In fact, coming back seemed all but too natural. The friends I hung out with were the same. The place they hung out was the same. The girl who I liked was still there. My friends who I talked to when I asked about how the school had changed seemingly hadn’t changed at all. That one year I was gone. Nothing Happened. And now I was back in the same place, that two years prior I had hated with a passion. The people I couldn’t trust. The people I found to be liars. The people who I found to be traitors. I hate this place. I hate this school. These are thoughts I should have had yet for some reason never came.

   Instead, I thought optimistically and hopeful. I came back to Irvington happier after my travels abroad. One might even say I came back wiser. I’ve made so many new friends this year it is almost frightening. As a school year, not much has happened. Yet I realize, that so much has changed about myself. I realize that despite what shallowness might appear on the outside. In the end, we are all shallow fucks. We talk shit about people behind their backs as entertainment to make us feel better. We act one way at home and another way outside. We are all liars. That doesn’t really matter though because I’ve realized that despite  that perceived notion of shallowness. Everyone is genuine in their own way. 

   So how did I change? Well I don’t know. I just know I have. 2012 has been a good year. I’m still chasing after a 2 year dream. Don’t know what that means? Well don’t worry about it. Just read over the 2 years ago part.

   I’m still alive. I feel happier and give no fucks about the ingenuity. Because it will always exist. Yet, it no longer weighs me down from doing what I want to do or stops me from hanging out with who I want to hang out with. I no longer hate this school. I might say I do to start a conversation. But in all honesty, I like Irvington even with its flaws like having shit to do. Now if you’ve read this far you deserve some kind of reward. LOL IDC :D

   And it’s 2:25am. So good night.

   Oh and the Girl I liked picked this Title for me. 
   Little Lost Unknown
   Do I still like her?
    Maybe.
    

3. Notes: 2 / 5 months ago 

   Now its time for a rant

   Life is a living contradiction. Humans live for sex and reproduction. Kind of. 

   Why is sex so appealing? It’s pleasureful like Onani according to some people. 

   Life is a bucket of rainbows. Full of color and hope. For like less than half of the population.

   If life were a play, it would be a tragedy.

   If life were a movie, it would be pointless.

   If life were Asian, it would be rice.

   If life were Black, it would be fried chicken and kool-aid (grape).

   If life were the story of a mad scientist, it would be the story of making a cloning machine.

   If life were a romance, we wouldn’t watch it because there would be too much filler.

   Tis be the tragedy of life~

4. Notes: 3 / 8 months ago 

   Waiting

   They say tumblr is made for QQ-ing. I totally agree! 

   TODAY’S TOPIC IS WAITING

   In one or two weeks or even tomorrow, a translation patch for a game will come out. THIS IS IMPORTANT. THIS IS THE GAME MAN. TIME TRAVEL ALTERNATE REALITIES MYSTERY. SURE IT WAS MADE in the 90’s but now is the time!

   Waiting is a bitch unknown to it’s prey!

   Oh and speaking of things unknown to one’s prey.

   P4.

5. Notes: 1 / 8 months ago 

   Expectations

   Sometimes images are best kept to fiction. You see in life there are many things, we believe only to have our hopes and dreams crushed. Mysteriously, I am using this tumblr machine as some sort of magic diary. Ooh Diaries. How girly~ But I don’t care.

   Expectations are fragile things. Normally in life we tend to block out the bad stuff in life because well the bad stuff is the stuff we don’t want to remember. The times we failed a test, got someone angry, or made stupid mistakes in general.

   But you see in my life, I had an expectation. A crushed expectation about a thing I thought once made me happy. A thing that couldn’t be compared and was perfect in every way possible. 

   Today, I realized just how wrong I was about that thing. That thing was not the thing I remembered it was. Maybe it was because I rarely knew that thing of now because I left that thing for a year. But now that I see that thing again. I’ve lost it.

   The innocent romantic dream of my youth has flown away like the Summer Break of Every School Year. That thing is not so pure as I remembered it. Or maybe it was never pure in the first place. Perhaps I was fooled by my own romanticism.  

   My Lesson of the Week

   Come up with a Survival Strategy!

6. Notes: 2 / 9 months ago 

   A Bird

   A bird in the house is a sign of death according to superstition. 

   Today, there was a bird in my house whom I had the honor of knowing since around 12:55pm. It died in 3 hours at exactly 3:44pm.

   

   How do I know it was dead?
   When you hold an animal and you can longer feel it’s heart move as you carry it or when it’s neck turns as if being choked by the invisible grip of death. Then you will be able to tell whether it lived or not. 

   In those 3 hours I had fed the bird water and watched it die as it awoke in it’s final cough giving hope for it’s survival by flapping one wing. Yet, the bird whom I barely knew had faded away. Like any good person, I had decided to give the bird a proper burial.

   This bird in it’s 3 final hours was no different from an old man lying in his hospital bed. It was just lying there on the carpet. Sitting down and sleeping. Perhaps if birds are able to think as we do, it was reminiscing about its own life. I am not sure but I know as I fed the bird water to drink, maybe it was happy. Though unable to fly, it was happy being able to just relax. It did not have to perform the task nature had decided for it to perform.

   Right now I hear the sound of a bird. Maybe, just maybe, it’s the voice of a maiden searching for her loved one. Yet, now the bird is gone. Placed in the backyard among the soil. Perhaps flying towards a higher place among the stars.

7. 9 months ago 

   Together

   Together, we stand facing another day.

   I was once entranced by a person I naught knew too well. I thought about love at the time. I thought how wonderful would it be to end up with a person like her. Yet during the brief time together, I spent watching her. I thought about the many possibilities if I had actually gone to speak to this unknown person who I naught knew too well. Perhaps it was fate never to meet? Maybe.

   In 4 days, the time we had assumed would never come and seemed so out of reach will finally come crashing down. It has taken awhile and the journey has been long and arduous. We who have not even completed 1/4th of our lives are about to embark on what will feel like the light at the end of the tunnel but in reality, no longer do we carry the torch that showed us what direction to turn.

   Soon we will trek through the unknown. We will call it plenty of things. 
   Our Fate, 
   Our Future,
   Our Philosophies.

   Can you hear it approaching?

   It’s not too far away at this point. 

   Can you see the top of the staircase?

   I cannot for our time has just began. 

8. 10 months ago 

   Dear my friend,

   I am not dead and yes I’ve been quite brief these past few days. If I told you why it would sound like an excuse. However, what you told me about life in senior is about to get a hell of a lot harder than the farce that was Junior Year, has finally come true.

   Right now, I’ve been busy with life. Time has been passing by too fast. I want to give you a proper time to meet again but life is being a pain right now. College,SATs,ACTs and Essays. The future is finally becoming the present and well I could honestly tell you that, I just want to give up and surrender. I want to concede. I want to throw away my life and take the easy road. Yet, that won’t make me happy. I’m making myself unhappy.

   I have to grow up. I have to deal with things like an adult. I can’t quit when life is hard and full of disappointment. So I’ll just say this now.

   We might not have the chance to meet, my friend.
   We shall certainly meet in the future, my friend.
   We must endure, my friend. 

   Depressing, isn’t it?
   I am not avoiding you.
   life is just being…

   a pain in the neck. 
   

   I’ll try to see you in a year.
   Right now, might not be the best time.

   Sorry. 

   ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, I KNOW WHAT COLLEGES I WANT TO GO TO YEAHHHH BOIIII

9. 10 months ago 
   
    
10. Notes: 1 / 10 months ago 
    

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2omuoO_hIbQ

     

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